The S in S-A-L-V-E is for self-inquiry and is based upon the work of Byron Kate. This step is probably the most challenging because it requires us to separate ourselves from our own issues, fears, desires, and give up the compulsion to be in control or make it better. It is also the most important step because it allows us to be more emotionally available and authentic with our children. Then we can we shift our attention to tour child-A and listen with open hearts and minds-L. Once you’ve listened without judgment or interpretation, validate their emotions-V. During validation, some children may feel shame or embarrassment, especially when their emotions may be considered negative. Choose your words very carefully, phrase it like a question, or say nothing and validate nonverbally. Keep in mind that validating emotions doesn’t mean dwelling on them. Don’t over dramatize them or overdo it to meet your own needs to provide comfort. Kids can be pretty good at moving on once they’ve been heard. Finally empower them to resolve their emotional upset –E. Provide encouragement, communicate confidence in their ability to figure it out and get out of the way. Dr. Aldort repeatedly emphasizes the importance of taking the time to separate yourself from the emotional event before responding to their behavior. This is kind of like a self time out so you can imagine the worst and let it go. Once you let go of your own emotions, you can more effectively shift your focus to your child’s emotions, and respond in a thoughtful and loving way.