The Trauma Recovery Institute

The Neurochemistry of Sex & Addiction

Sex has many characteristics in common with addictive behaviors. Regulated by the brain’s limbic system or “primitive brain,” sex is driven by the region known as the reward circuitry. Dopamine, the craving neurochemical that impels fertilization behavior, also impels addictions to substances. This article examines how dopamine’s unnerving high/low cycle tends to promote emotional separation between mates and increase susceptibility to addictions. It suggests an ancient, but forgotten, way of making love that appears to heal the separation urge, and soothe cravings and depression.
The Neurochemistry of Orgasm
Orgasm is generally regarded as the ultimate goal of recreational sex. Wilhelm Reich was the first scientist to describe the nature and purpose of the orgasm as a discharge of excess bio-energy with the additional liberation of feeling energy, and he also recognized the negative consequences of blocked sexual energies.
Unfortunately, in addition to exciting peaks, orgasms tend to produce powerful negative side-effects that are only now becoming better understood. This is due to predictable trends in hormonal activity which seem to be similar in all mammals to ensure certain evolutionary objectives, especially the wide mixing of gene pools and the safe raising of offspring. This is achieved with neurochemical changes. The main players are dopamine, the reward hormone; prolactin, the hormone of satiation; oxytocin, the cuddle hormone, and levels of androgen receptors, which all powerfully affect our mood, our desire for intimacy, our perception of our mate, as well as our susceptibility to addictive activities and substances. These hormones can also have different but generally related functions. Additionally the stimulant phenylethylamine (PEA) is involved, which is also present in cocoa and chocolate and elevates energy, mood and attention. PEA is produced in greater amounts when one is in love; conversely a deficiency (common in manic-depressives) causes unhappy feelings.
When we first fall in love we become bonded by rising PEA, oxytocin and dopamine levels. When we are sexually aroused by close contact our dopamine level rises further and at the time of orgasm we have a dopamine brainstorm which one researcher compared to the effects of heroin on the brain. Dopamine is active in all addictions, even in people who have forgotten what sex is. Most of this activity is in the limbic system, the oldest part of the brain.
After orgasm dopamine levels fall sharply with the usual withdrawal symptoms. This reaction tends to be immediate in males and delayed in females. Also prolactin levels rise, and androgen receptors fall after orgasm. Low testosterone is associated with irritability and anger. In sexually-satiated rats it has been shown that serotonin and endorphin levels also rise, and this also decreases dopamine and raises prolactin levels. Oxytocin levels fall after conventional orgasm but remaining in close contact may help to counter this drop and sustain oxytocin levels. Behavioral changes from this disturbed hormone equilibrium have been noticed for up to two weeks. During this time we may be more irritable, dissatisfied, anxious or depressed, and instead of seeing the good side of our mate, we may now be painfully aware of his or her shortcomings. This is exactly the same process and length of time prolactin levels need to recover during withdrawal from cocaine.
Initially, during the honeymoon period of our relationship, we remain strongly bonded by high oxytocin levels, and quickly overcome our hormonal blues by having more sex. Initially sex stimulates us to crave for more sex. This leads to rapid rises and falls in dopamine levels and corresponding rapid emotional fluctuations in our relationship. Later we become less and less interested in sex with our partner (perhaps because we subconsciously begin to associate him or her with the “lows” of the cycle, or perhaps because we grow tired of being used as a fix, and therefore feel less attraction), and now we try to prop up our dopamine level by becoming addicted to some kind of food or drug, or by becoming interested in a new sexual partner. Basically this type of behavior is the same for humans, primates, mammals and reptiles because it originates from the primitive part of our brain. Further evidence of a lasting post-orgasm hangover comes from sexually exhausted male rats. The number of androgen receptors in the hypothalamus declines, reducing the effectiveness of testosterone and changing sexual behavior. These changes last for about seven days, corresponding to a lack of libido of the rats. In addition to serving as a sexual brake, prolactin also affects our moods and behavior somewhat like a hormone of resignation. For example caged wild monkeys initially had high levels of the stress hormone cortisol but gradually prolactin levels rose as they became resigned to their fate. Prolactin levels were highest after seven months. With raised prolactin levels they do not mate, which looks like the same effect that we see in long-term relationships without close oxytocin-producing bonding. See Diagrams Below
Biology Has Plans for Our Love Lives
There is a common biological mechanism at work behind such diverse phenomena as the one-night stand, the sexless marriage, high rates of infidelity, and porn addiction. It produces the universal experience that “the honeymoon never lasts longer than a year,” a reality confirmed in a recent study of the healthiest, happiest four percent of 2200 newlywed couples (Kiecolt-Glaser, 2001). It is why close friendships that bloom into love affairs so often turn sour. Essentially, humans are programmed to lose interest and then seek the stimulation of a novel partner, thereby increasing their offspring’s genetic variety.
Biology uses powerful neurochemicals to achieve its agenda. For example, at a neurochemical level, falling in love is a lot like taking recreational drugs according to anthropologist Helen Fisher (Fisher, 2004). She shows how we are wired for three programs: lust, romantic love, and attachment. However, all too often mates find that they are also wired for a fourth program: emotional separation. Even when this built-in urge to separate doesn’t split couples apart, it can kindle frustration, disharmony, a sense of stagnation, and cravings for other partners or for addictive substances.
When couples drift apart, they cheat themselves of the most beneficial gifts of intimacy. Studies show that close, trusted – and especially, harmonious – companionship is associated with increased longevity (Young, 2004), faster healing (DeVries, 2004), and lower rates of illness (Coyne, 2001), depression and alcoholism. (Horwitz, 1996) In short, biology asks us to make costly sacrifices just for a few more shots at genetic immortality.
In Love & Survival, Dean Ornish points out that love and intimacy are more powerful determinants of health than improved diet, stopping smoking, genetic make-up, more exercise, or prescription drugs. If companionship came in drug form, doctors who failed to prescribe it would be guilty of malpractice. (Ornish, 1998) Research suggests that oxytocin is behind these gains. As the authors address later in this article, experience reveals that lovers can train themselves to produce steadier supplies of oxytocin, while eluding the high/low separation trigger entirely.
Sex’s Hidden Hangover
What neurochemical mechanism drives intimate partners apart with such predictability? Astonishingly, it is built right into fertilization-driven sex. Over-stimulation of the limbic system triggers sexual satiation neurochemicals, which radically change our outlook toward each other. Unlike other mammals, who confine their mating frenzies to periods of estrus, humans can become sexually aroused at any time. Unfortunately, the blasts of dopamine that accompany sexual climax are potentially highly addictive and would interfere with other evolutionary priorities, such as hunting and gathering or feeding infants. Indeed, when researchers wired rats so that they could push a lever in their cages to stimulate the nerves on which dopamine acts, the rats pushed the lever until they dropped, not stopping to eat or mate (Olds, 1954).
To protect against this result, humans, too, possess a mechanism for sexual self-regulation. Ours, however, is more akin to starting and stopping in heavy traffic, leaving us vulnerable to intense cravings and relationship friction. What evidence is there that sex over-stimulates the brain? In 2003, a Dutch scientist reported that brain scans of people having orgasm resemble scans of a heroin rush (Holstege, 2003). Dopamine soars during copulation and orgasm. (Putnam, 2001)
These natural highs are only the first part of a neurochemical roller coaster ride – a ride that is essentially a sublte form of the cycle of all addictions. As we will see in a moment, after orgasm, dopamine plummets, prolactin soars, and androgen receptor activity drops off for up to a week. In short, “what goes up must come down,” returning us to homeostasis. Sadly, these subsequent neurochemical shifts lead to radical changes in perception, coloring our perception and altering our behavior.
When the neurochemistry of passion pounds between our ears, we see “Mr.” or “Ms. Right.” When the hangover kicks in, we may see “Mr. Hyde” or “Medusa.” Or we “need space,” overreact to remarks, feel needy, or find third parties compellingly attractive. During this natural recovery period we may also experience intense cravings, as we unconsciously seek to raise our dopamine levels again.
The Science Behind the Hangover
Recent neurochemical discoveries reveal three components of the post-orgasm hangover.
Dopamine The first of these is the sudden drop in dopamine that follows orgasm. At ideal levels, dopamine equates with feelings of well-being and healthy decision-making. We feel optimistic and open, much like pre-pubescent children, who have not yet climbed aboard the dopamine roller coaster and are delighted by everything from bugs to Barbies.
Dopamine Levels
Dopamine chart
At high levels, however, dopamine is the “I’ve got to have it, whatever the repercussions” neurochemical that lights up the brain’s reward circuitry. It renders us single-minded and demanding. Biology employs this powerful means to motivate behaviors vital to survival and passing on genes, such as eating, drinking, taking risks, and, above all, engaging in fertilization behavior.
Yet, our culture, unlike that of our ancestors in whom this mechanism evolved, offers countless opportunities to over-stimulate ourselves with dopamine: alcohol, compulsive shopping, recreational drugs, junk food, and so on. Indeed, we do not even have to leave our computers to accommodate our addictions. Predictably, high levels of dopamine are associated with addictions, gambling, fetishes, anxiety, and so on.
When dopamine drops after orgasm, it falls below ideal levels, and can change our whole outlook on life. Low dopamine is associated with depression, feeling unable to love, and, again, addictions, as sufferers desperately seek to feel better. Fertilization-driven sex, in effect, pushes us back and forth from one dopamine extreme to the other. Either extreme can bring out the worst in us, and the resulting mood swings themselves can make intimacy bewildering.
To keep the brakes on for a while, biology employs an additional neurochemical: prolactin. Prolactin performs many functions, and it also appears to play a prominent role in regulating sex. As dopamine drops after orgasm, prolactin immediately rises in both men and women, acting as a sexual satiation mechanism. (Kruger, 2003) In men, it no doubt contributes to the “roll over and snore” phenomenon. In women, its effects may affect mood. Researchers do not yet know how long prolactin levels stay up in humans after orgasm, but in female rats prolactin surges continue for two weeks after mating, even if they are not pregnant. (Polston, 2001)
During withdrawal from cocaine (another high-dopamine activity), prolactin levels rise and require two weeks to return to normal levels. (Contoreggi, 2003) Prolactin may influence our mating behavior beyond serving as sexual brakes. Like dopamine, it affects our moods and behavior. Prolactin is touted as a pleasant, satiation neurochemical (in relation to sex), but it has many jobs in the body, and it appears to be a stress hormone, associated with feelings of despair. For example, when first caged, wild monkeys showed high levels of cortisol for a couple of days while they tried to escape. Once they realized they were trapped, prolactin levels rose. Those tested at seven months had the highest levels of prolactin. (Suleman, 2001)
High prolactin could be contributing to the long-term discouragement that seems to overtake so many intimate relationships. Jeremy Heaton, MD maintains that as we learn more about sex and aging, prolactin will be a major player. (Heaton, 2003) Certainly, the conditions associated with high levels of prolactin closely resemble the list of things that couples complain about as their honeymoons end.
Symptoms associated with excess prolactin
Women                                                                                                                      Men
Loss of libido                                                                                                                     Loss of libido
Mood changes / depression                                                                                           Mood changes / depression
Hostility, anxiety                                                                                                               Impotence
Headache                                                                                                                           Headache
Menopausal symptoms, even when estrogen is sufficient                                       Infertility
Signs of increased testosterone levels                                                                           Decreased testosterone levels
Weight gain                                                                                                                        Weight gain
Intercourse may become painful because of vaginal dryness
Additional evidence of a lingering post-orgasm hangover comes from sexually exhausted male rats. The number of androgen receptors decreases in the hypothalamus, curtailing the effects of testosterone and altering behavior. Changes linger for up to seven days, corresponding with the rats’ lack of libido.
More Evidence of a Post—passion Hangover
For better or worse, there is one way to jumpstart flagging libido during the post-passion hangover period. Unfortunately, it offers more proof that biology cares fervently about propelling genes into the future, and little about sustaining the many benefits that flow from harmonious companionship (at least beyond the initial mating frenzy of the honeymoon period. No matter how sexually exhausted and uninterested a rat is in a current mate, if a novel female is introduced, the male will rise to the occasion and perform his fertilization duties. (Fiorino, 1997) This process can be continued until the gallant rat nearly dies.
The neurochemical hangover discussed above is the key to understanding the “Coolidge Effect.” As dopamine drops, the rat loses interest in his mate and copulation ceases. When a new partner appears, dopamine soars again and the rat revives long enough to deliver more genes.
The Coolidge-Effect
In experiments with rats it has been observed that after vigorous copulation with a new partner, male rats soon completely ignore this partner, but when a new female is introduced, they immediately are revitalized – at least sufficiently to become sexually active once more. This can be repeated again and again until the male rat is completely exhausted.
This phenomenon has been called the “Coolidge Effect” after an American president. On a visit to a farm his wife had been shown a rooster who could copulate with his hens all day-long day after day. She liked that idea and asked the farmer to let the president know about this. After hearing it, President Coolidge thought for a moment and asked: ”Does he do that with the same hen?” “No, Sir” answered the farmer. “Please tell that to Mrs. Coolidge” said the president.
When you drop a male rat into a cage with a receptive female rat, you see an initial frenzy of copulation. Then, progressively, the male tires of that particular female. Even without an apparent change in her receptivity he reaches a point where he has little libido-and simply ignores her. However, if you replace the original female with a fresh one, the male immediately revives and begins copulating again. You can repeat this process with fresh females until the rat nearly dies of exhaustion. The rat’s renewed vigor does not reflect an increase in his wellbeing – although it will look (and temporarily feel to him) that way. His vigor comes from surges of a neurochemical called dopamine, which flood the reward circuitry of his primitive brain… so that he gets the job done. In short, animals do not choose their mates randomly. They identify and reject those with whom they have already had sex.
The Coolidge Effect has been observed in all mammals that have been tested. Scientists have observed it in females too. Female rodents, for example, flirt a lot more – arching in inviting displays – with unfamiliar partners than with those with which they’ve already copulated. What’s behind the Coolidge Effect? And is there a way around it? We’ve talked about a post-passion hangover that pushes partners apart. Here’s a brief summary:
The hangover is the product of perfectly natural neurochemical shifts, which occur in the primitive part of the brain, or limbic system. This limbic system is the center of emotions, drives, impulses, and subconscious decision-making. Within the limbic system is the reward circuitry, which dopamine activates to urge us to take actions that further our survival or pass on our genes, such as eating, sex, bonding with offspring, taking risks. Think of dopamine as the neurochemical of all motivation. You don’t actually crave ice cream, or a winning lotto ticket, or sex. You crave dopamine. In reality that blast of dopamine is your reward. All addictive substances and activities increase dopamine. It’s why they are addictive. (Is orgasm addictive? Well, it has been compared to shooting heroin by researchers doing brain scans.) But addictive substances and activities don’t give lasting pleasure. As soon as dopamine successfully motivates a behavior, it drops off, awaiting its next opportunity to push you around. One trigger for the Coolidge Effect is novelty itself.
Another trigger is a drop in dopamine following orgasm. Instead of that delicious sense of aliveness and thrilling anticipation you felt when your dopamine was high, you now feel flat, or even needy or depleted. The orgasms themselves initiate this drop in dopamine. While dopamine is low, you are especially susceptible to anything at all that will raise your dopamine again, such as calorie-rich food, gambling, alcohol, a shopping spree, cocaine, porn on the internet, or sex.  A new potential sex partner is one of the most effective “cures” for the “dopamine blues.” As comedian Chris Rock crudely put it, “There’s nothing like new [fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][nooky] to clear the mind!” His reaction is just what biology intends.
While you are seeking to feel better, biology is striving to increase the genetic variety of your offspring. Genetic variety ensures that more of your offspring will survive changing conditions to pass on genes. A brand new partner briefly raises your dopamine more than sex with a familiar partner, however loving. Yet, despite this passing thrill, you don’t actually increase your overall wellbeing by following biology’s script. You’d be better off in a close, committed relationship. The point is that biology’s strategy is not truly a cure for your uncomfortable post-orgasm let down. The Coolidge Effect reflex is strictly a temporary fix that will likely leave you feeling even more depleted. Your new partner will not satisfy you any more than your previous one.
Like a spinning wheel in a rodent’s cage, the Coolidge Effect leads us in dizzying circles that do not improve our wellbeing – only our genes’ chances. A man from LA, who had stopped counting at 350 sex partners, once mentioned that he was genuinely puzzled why he had lost interest (sexually) in each of them so quickly. The Coolidge Effect is the answer to his perplexity. Glen Wilson described its usual trajectory in The Science of Sex:
Before marriage it is usual for men to initiate intercourse at a fairly high frequency with their fiancée. After a few years of marriage, however, the husband’s sexual appetite begins to wane and an apparent reversal of libido may even occur, with the now frustrated wife demanding more lovemaking than her ‘tired’ husband is able to supply. He, of course, is still perfectly capable of being aroused by his mistresses and office girls and, if fortunate enough to secure an invitation to an orgy, would have little difficulty completing intercourse with two or three anonymous young women in the course of the evening’s festivities. Sex therapists see many men who are reported as ‘impotent’ by their wives, but who privately confess to considerable prowess with a succession of mistresses.
Why do we fall for the same trick over and over? Because we assume that the intensity of our (dopamine-driven) anticipation equals the value to us of the behavior it’s urging us to engage in. We are accustomed to relying on this subconscious dopamine reward mechanism to make sound decisions in many areas of our lives. When it comes to sex, however, this inner gauge misleads us. Evolutionary biology prizes quantity of offspring above quality of life. It doesn’t care what makes us harmonious, happiest or healthiest. As a result, our ancient ancestors who impulsively had sex, lost interest, and wandered after their next partner were likely to pass on their genes…and their lovemaking habits.
However, humans are pair-bonders, unlike 95% of mammal species. This means we are designed to benefit from long-term companionship. The Coolidge Effect pushes us in the opposite direction. We’re designed for tension between these two programs – our mating and our bonding programs – but it’s up to us how we resolve that tension. Another reason the dopamine reward system fails us is that it’s set to react to the short-term repercussions of certain choices. For example, it’s geared to give you a buzz when you select high calorie, sweet fare. This preference may have served your ancestors in selecting among the foods on the plains of Africa. However, it doesn’t serve you in a culture where high-calorie, sugar-laden food is over abundant and made even more enticing by advertising geared to stimulate the reward circuit of your brain.
Similarly, your reward system doesn’t take into account the full repercussions of sex. It gives you a buzz for pursuing fertilization opportunities, especially with new partners (even two-dimensional ones), without adjusting for how you will feel afterward, or how those feelings of depletion may damage your relationship – when you project them onto your partner. You won’t even suspect what is at work when you later perceive your partner as needy and over-controlling, or selfish and insensitive. This mechanism may also disregard the value of a committed relationship entirely in the interest of propelling your genes onward. It asks no small sacrifice in return for its offer of possible genetic immortality.
According to Dr. Dean Ornish in Love & Survival, love and intimacy are more powerful determinants of health than stopping smoking, more exercise, genetic make-up, improved diet, or prescription drugs. Trusted companionship has been shown to speed recovery, lower rates of illness, and increase longevity. Clearly, you would be better off working toward lasting harmony with a partner than pursuing a roller coaster ride of thrills and heartaches. The best protection against the Coolidge Effect may be to learn to make love without the fertilization-driven sex that leaves you so susceptible to its siren song. If the ancients could do it, we can too.
In short, biology’s mechanism for regulating sexual behavior sets up a cycle of highs and lows that drives a wedge between lovers. Indeed, when anthropologists studied two hunter-gatherer cultures believed to be representative of our distant ancestors (the !Kung of Africa and the Mehinaku of South America), they found exactly this pattern at work: lots of romance and impulsive sexual behavior – and lots of churning and heartache in intimate relationships. Unless we consciously intervene, our neurochemistry programs us for intense passion followed by emotional alienation. Helen Fisher estimates that humans are designed to stay together less than four years, the time it takes to get a child on its feet. Across 58 cultures worldwide, she found that divorce rates peaked at this point. (Fisher, 1995)

Can Sex Heal Addiction?
Changes in dopamine, prolactin and androgen receptor levels powerfully affect our mood, our level of desire for intimacy, our perception of our mates, and our susceptibility to addictive activities and substances. At a brain chemical level, sex sets up an addictive cycle of highs and lows. A burning desire to make love may not indicate that equilibrium is restored; we may, in fact, unwittingly be using our mate to self-medicate to cope with a neurochemical hangover. Orgasm, like any other “fix,” is temporary relief, the prelude to discomfort and the search for another high. Drug companies now market dopamine agonist drugs to increase libido. They perpetuate this very cycle, with its attendant risks of relationship disharmony and susceptibility to other addictions.
Again, the reward circuitry that governs sex is the same one that drives all addictions. Those who treat sexual addiction frequently discover dual diagnoses (alcoholism, gambling, drug use) among their patients. Hamsters who have mated react to amphetamines more than virgin hamsters (Bradley, 2001). Teens who are sexually active use more recreational drugs than those who are not (Columbia University, 2004).
In an important study from the Pacific Institute for Research done in 2005, the authors concluded that “sex, drugs and alcohol among teens actually precede—and apparently lead to—the onset of adolescent depression, which contradicts the common belief that depressed teens may be ‘self-medicating’ through substance abuse and sex.” When we allow biology or its surrogate, prescription drugs, to govern our love lives we amplify a weak point in our design. Yet the existence of this weak point suggests a possible solution. Some years ago, at the beginning of their romance, the authors experimented with an ancient approach to lovemaking in which lovers avoid orgasm during sex in favor of a less goal driven, more affectionate approach.
The result of this practice is improved health, harmonized emotions, the cessation of desires and impulses, and, at the highest level, the transcendent integration of the entire energy bod. To their surprise, within four months, Gary quit drinking. He had suffered from a 12-year, closet addiction to alcohol, which he had long tried unsuccessfully to overcome. Within a year, he was also off of prescription antidepressants. (Chronic depression had run in his family.) He felt better, was calmer and more productive, and, for the first time, found it easy to sleep through the night with his soon-to-be-wife. Marnia’s chronic yeast infections and urinary tract infections disappeared.
What had happened? Two things. First, the authors had escaped the dopamine high/low cycle described above, with its attendant mood swings and emotional friction, enabling them to stay together harmoniously. Second, they were unconsciously sustaining higher levels of oxytocin with a regime of regular exchanges of affection and caring attention. This became clear when Gary analyzed recent brain chemistry research in an effort to understand what was occurring. Like most neurochemicals, oxytocin performs different functions depending upon where and when it is released. For example, dripped into a pregnant woman as “pitocin,” it can bring on birth contractions. It also causes breast milk to be ejected. However, in recent years scientists have discovered many surprising functions of oxytocin. One of the most significant is its ability to bond us with each other – when it is released in the limbic system. Oxytocin is behind parent/child bonds, deep friendships, even the conviction that one’s dog is the most adorable creature in the world. We could not fall in love without it. Now, scientists are begining to elucidate the neurobiology of how oxytocin might ease dopamine-based cravings. See Oxytocin modulates dopamine-mediated reward in the rat subthalamic nucleus.
Oxytocin is not about “lust,” though. It is behind the selfless desire to nurture, and be close to, another. It also plays a role in monogamy. Injected into the brain of a promiscuous rodent, it will make a familiar partner more appealing than unfamiliar partners. (Harmon, 2002) Just as dopamine and its hangover are the keys to our promiscuity (because the grass may soon look greener elsewhere) oxytocin seems to be the key to wanting to stay with one partner. Can we just pop an oxytocin pill and stay deeply in love? No. Oxytocin does not cross the blood/brain barrier, except by means of peripheral injection or risky nasal sprays. This means that if we want the many benefits that come from its presence in the limbic system, we would be wise to employ the behaviors that encourage its production there.
The Cuddle Hormone
The dopamine system is obviously designed to produce genetic variety by inducing us to mate with as many different partners as possible. There is, however, a hormone that counteracts the emotional rollercoaster effects of dopamine, and that is oxytocin, the cuddle-hormone. Oxytocin also counteracts fear, which is associated with high cortisol levels and stress, see chart below. Oxytocin leads to strong pair-bonding. In pair-bonded animals mating, and with this the dopamine rollercoaster, stops with the rise of prolactin after successful fertilization, and now oxytocin ensures that both parents cooperate for the survival of their offspring. Humans could do the same, mate only to produce offspring and then abstain from sex. This might produce an emotionally stable relationship for life, but most of us would also find it utterly boring. Paramahansa Yogananda wrote this is exactly what his parents did (Autobiography of a Yogi).
Oxytocin’s Many Benefits
In the course of his analysis, Gary also learned that oxytocin is the answer to the question, “What is the mechanism by which love and affection positively affect our health?”
Fear – Cortisol                                                                                                   Love – Oxytocin
Aggression                                                                                                                   Anti-stress hormone
Arousal, Anxiety, Feeling stressed-out                                                                  Feeling calm and connected, Increased curiosity
Activates addictions                                                                                                   Lessens cravings & addictions
Suppresses libido                                                                                                        Increases sexual receptivity
Associated with depression                                                                                      Positive feelings
Can be toxic to brain cells                                                                                         Facilitates learning
Breaks down muscles, bones and joints                                                                 Repairs, heals and restores
Weakens immune system                                                                                          Faster wound healing
Increases pain                                                                                                              Diminishes sense of pain
Clogs arteries, Promotes heart disease and high blood pressure                      Lowers blood pressure, Protects against heart disease
Obesity, Diabetes, Osteoporosis
— Oxytocin reduces cravings. When scientists administered it to rodents who were addicted to cocaine, morphine, or heroin, the rats opted for less drugs, or showed fewer symptoms of withdrawal. (Kovacs, 1998) Oxytocin also reduces cravings for sweets. (Billings, 2006)
— Oxytocin calms. A single rat injected with oxytocin has a calming effect on a cage full of anxious rats. (Agren, 2002)
— Oxytocin appears be a major reason that SSRIs ease depression, perhaps because high levels of cortisol are the chief culprits in depression and anxiety disorders. (Uvnas-Moberg, 1999)
— Oxytocin increases sexual receptivity and counteracts impotence, which is why this other way of making love remains pleasurable. (Pedersen, C.A., 2002), (Arletti, 1997)
— Oxytocin counteracts the effects of cortisol, the stress hormone. (Legros, 2003) Less stress means increased immunity and faster recovery.
Oxytocin isn’t all hearts and flowers, however. For some of it’s less heart-warming attributes see Liquid Love and Oxytocin Revisited. Yet there’s no indication that oxytocin released naturally in response to normal attachment cues would cause unwanted side effects.
The bonding, soothing qualities of oxytocin explains why companionship can increase longevity – even among those who are HIV positive (Young, 2004). Or speed recovery: wounded hamsters heal twice as fast when they are paired with a sibling, rather than left in isolation (Detilliona, 2004). It may also explain why, among various species of primates, care-giving parents (whether male or female) live significantly longer. (Cal Tech, 1998) It also reduces stress: Influence of a ‘Warm Touch’ Support Enhancement Intervention Among Married Couples on Ambulatory Blood Pressure, Oxytocin, Alpha Amylase, and Cortisol
Incidentally, a surge of blood-level oxytocin often accompanies orgasm, which sometimes causes people to conclude that more orgasms must lead to tighter emotional bonding. Who knows? First, researchers suggest that oxytocin’s role during orgasm is solely to bring on the contractions that move semen to various strategic locations, just as oxytocin causes smooth muscle to go into birth and nursing contractions. (Vignozzi, 2004) It is not clear that oxytocin levels surge at orgasm in the limbic system – where bonding occurs. In any case, they soon drop, as does the other neurochemical most important for sustaining bonds: dopamine. This is why orgasms may not keep you in love.
Second, oxytocin is a less reliable marker of orgasm than the “shutdown” neurochemical, prolactin (Kruger, 2003), which means that oxytocin does not always rise at orgasm. In any case, when dopamine drops too low (after a passion bout), so does oxytocin – and lovers lose their desire for closeness. By contrast, when dopamine stays at ideal levels, it helps maintain oxytocin levels as well.
The interplay between these two neurochemicals is generally overlooked, which causes some to assume blindly that we can consistently have high dopamine and high oxytocin. Finally, even if a surge in bloodstream oxytocin at orgasm does somehow encourage bonding, it should be obvious that something even more powerful is eroding that bonding in most long-term relationships. If orgasm cemented relationships, then marriages would be more stable, not far less stable, than they were 50 years ago.
Meanwhile, how can we cause the brain to release oxytocin where it best stabilizes our brain chemistry and benefits our relationships? Daily caring touch, especially stroking, is one way. Another is selfless giving – or nurturing another – as a parent would a child. Neurochemicals and behavior tend to be circular. That is, a change in behavior induces changes in neurochemistry, and vice versa. Close, trusted companionship also seems to promote the production of oxytocin. The more we produce, the more receptive we are to it. Oxytocin receptors do not down-regulate as dopamine receptors do. This means we do not need an ever-increasing level to get the same feeling of being in love. Mates appear more and more appealing over time, rather than the reverse.
Sustained production of oxytocin is the loophole in biology’s plan, since it helps to keep us from moving on to new partners. (No, oxytocin nasal spray will not bond you to your mate, although it appears to reduce hyper-vigilance.) Finally, more affectionate, non-goal-driven lovemaking( Tantra) may aid addicts because it encourages sustained production of oxytocin.
The insight that sex can heal cravings is thousands of years old (Lao Tzu, trans. 1992), and has resurfaced in various cultures since then (Gnostics, Robinson, trans.1978), (Karezza, Stockham, 1902). The link between sex and addiction deserves careful investigation. Perhaps the ancient Taoists were wise to teach that sex is like fire or water.
“Both fire and water can kill, yet both may also bestow life.” Taoist Proverb

Life Change Health Institute offers world unique individual & group psychotherapy, Sacred Sexuality workshops, classes and Retreats. We specialize in long-term relational trauma recovery, sexual trauma recovery and early childhood trauma recovery. We offer a very gentle, safe, supportive and compassionate space for deep relational work with highly skilled, trained and experienced psychotherapists. All of our psychotherapists are accredited or working towards accreditation with Irish Group Psychotherapy Society (I.G.P.S), which holds the highest accreditation standard in Europe. Our therapeutic approach is an overall evidence-based treatment approach for working with complex trauma and dissociation, that addresses the root causes of trauma-based presentations and fragmentation, and so results in long term recovery. Highly effective psychological and somatic techniques are woven into a carefully staged treatment approach, which systemically integrates significant relationships into the treatment process. Dynamic (PT) PsychoSocialSomatic Therapy seeks to heal early experiences of abandonment, neglect, trauma, and attachment loss, that otherwise tend to play out repetitively and cyclically throughout the lifespan in relationship struggles, illness and addictions. It is unique in that it approaches the body first (bottom-up processing) and unlike any other form of therapy also integrates the social element of looking at the clients nutrition, environment, support structures, relationships, level of intimacy and attachment style.[/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]

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